Saturday, April 17, 2010

Reason Number 85&: Most Hated Expressions

brain fart
epic fail
I, myself, for one,
grab life by the balls
examining the other
busting my balls
the panopticon
vis a vis
can't see the forest for the trees
I am a woman who speaks her mind.
raison d'etre
deus ex machina
chick lit
because, clearly, you see,
girls' night
je ne sais quoi
juice fast
ho's before bro's
ganja (gange, trees, smokes (n.))
takin' names
one cannot help but note
bro's before ho's
guilty pleasure

I take no issue with the insertion of "like" into intelligent, well-meaning conversations. We all get anxious for filler now and then.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Reason Number 85: Writer's Block is for Idiots

I am plagued by adverbs. This is surprisingly (SEE!) difficult to overcome in writing, especially (GAH) energetic writing with a billion word pileups that render narratives so confusing readers wish they were comatose.

I like to think some of this is innate to me as a writer, innately (BAM) kind of okay about me versus other writers who write simpler, unadorned sentences. It's kind of like the difference between a straight-up chocolate cupcake and a cupcake made with spinach icing and topped with some kind of compote. Um, no?

There is always a time, usually in early spring, when I think "You know, Urban Outfitters really isn't that disgusting." This always results from seeing someone I respect wearing a darling dress and asking her "Where did you buy that darling dress?" to which she responds "Um, Urban Outfitters! Tee-hee! I know RIGHT?!" Then I end up having writer's block and looking at the $9.99 and under section on their website for two and a half hours while trying to think of the perfect way to describe a windowsill without sounding like a moronic half-wit Wordsworth-inspired dickface. Or Jhumpa Lahiri. But in spite of my best efforts to find something that doesn't look like garbage I always turn up empty-internet carted.

I hate the term "writer's block." Even though I have it. Often. It's just such a dumb idiotic excuse tossed around by people who don't know how to write, or don't care about writing, or think writing is glamorous and tragic. Writing is a nasty-ass crusty chore from hell while also being uproariously (here we go again!) fun and something I could easily not do with my time while remaining my most viable skill. Mostly it's just a shitty job I don't get paid for. Kind of like working at Brusters (RIP), but for free.