Reason Number 69: How do you express to people that you don't mind taking a shit without being that girl who talks about poop?

Uninterestingly enough, I finally got a new computer battery. This enables me to travel to my nearest Dunkin Donuts* in order to write/blog sift/make purposefully low (but not too low) bids on Edwardian lawn dresses and Alaia sandals on eBay to fool myself into thinking I might win when really I don't want to pay because I can't/Max Hardcore/facebook stalk my mom's friends/search craigslist for puppy listings/cover my screen in denial and humiliation, all without worry that as soon as I unplug I'll lose it all in a second.

*At the risk of sounding like an elitist ("at the risk of" filler language for "I don't want to admit it but I AM" meaning I AM AN ELITIST) I wish there were another coffee shop in our neighborhood aside from Dunkin Donuts. I'm such an elitist that I don't even consider Dunkin Donuts a coffee shop even though coffee is their primary product (aside from munchkins, etc.). And I LIKE their doughnuts, I always have--even the Bavarian cream, the grossest, most horrifying to most people doughnut that's ever exited--but I think their coffee blows and I only get it if I'm about to keel over and die from caffeine withdrawal, which basically means every day.

Somehow, the misspellings of the dunking process and the doughnuts themselves do not bother me in the least. In general I don't want to spit bile into someone's face because (s)he mistakenly misspelled a word, nor do I care when a business purposefully misspells, as in this case. There are, of course, exceptions I'm sure I'll think of about five minutes after posting this.

But! I want to sit in a coffee shop that has chemex coffee, free trade coffee, an expansive collection of white teas and fizzy waters from which to pick. Or not even this. Just someplace with a couch and some outlets and tables that aren't covered in thumbprints and sprinkles.

Elitist? Am I? Well, sometimes. Sometimes I think you know, I'm not really much of an elitist at all. I don't automatically think my opinions are better than other peoples'. But maybe I do? Literarily, at very least. But then I like the dumbest stuff ever, like the Commodores and Lucky Magazine and every show on HGTV.

The things we love.